Father's Day

Well I thought I would take the time to wish my husband a very happy fathers day. he deserves all of the praise given to fathers on this day. Since he lost his own father just 1 week ago from today it is a difficult day for him. John is one of the greatest fathers to his children. Right now I will ask them personally why they love their dad.
Dylan-I love daddy because he lets me play NHL 2000 on the sony playstation. I love him because he lets me hug and kiss him, and he likes to watch baseball with me, and then I likewhen he is going to take me to buffalo and toronto to see a minor league baseball game.

Mackenzie- I love daddy because he lets me watch TV with him and gives me hugs and kisses and I love daddy so much.

Alex- He takes care of me everyday and shares his cheese sandwiches, and buffalo wing pretzels.

So these are just some of the reasons why they love him so much! according to them

Grandpa Jack

Jack passed away on Sunday. It has been an extremely tough week. Jack was a great father and grandfather to my children. Some of my fond memories of Jack:
1. Every fathers day the boys take their dad to Monmouth Park. It has been a tradition since I have known John. Well in 1998 as we are about to enter, Jack was very happy to go as usual and as I walked in he introduced me as one of his kids too. He literally said to the person taking the tickets that we were all his. He made me feel part of the family right from the start.
2. When I was on bedrest with Dylan, he came to the hospital each morning with a large coffee from dunkin donuts and 2 eggs on a bagel from manhatten bagel( because he knew I liked manhatten bagel)- I kinda felt a little bad that he had to sit outside for the delivery of dylan thinking back.
3. When I was on bedrest with Alex, he came over everyday to bring me food, and every friday we snuck out and went to Perkins.
4. mackenzie always would eat his toast, and he never cared
5. he took dylan to allaire state park to watch the car races
6. Three weeks ago he fixed our sink, as a matter of fact, he fixed almost everything that ever needed to be fixed.
7. He was a great dad to the boys, whenever they needed anything he would drop whatever he was doing to help.
8. I was honored to walk him down the aisle at Mike and Marla's wedding.
9, He came over every afternoon from November until April, to sit at our house while Alex slept, so John could pick up mackenzie and not mess with Alex's schedule.
10. When I was in jail, he was here at 6am the three mornings to help john out.

I am so upset that he had to leave this earth, and my husband is now without parents. My children will barely remember their grandpa as they get older. I am most upset that I did not get to say good bye. You see jack was unconscious when I went to the hospital, and although I think he knew we were there, I can't be sure. So jack if you are looking down at us( which I am sure you are)- know that the kids and I love you and you are sorely missed.

What do I tell them?

Well today has been a horrible day. Besides the normal car breaking down stuff, we have just found out that Jack( John's dad) is not going to be around much longer. It kills me to even write this because I love them man. He has been with the kids almost every day since John has been home and they are not going to understand this, shit Neither does John. There ahs been alot going on with Jack the last 2-3 weeks and we all just attributed it to the Parkinsons, well it is not, it looks as though he has some form of aggressive leukemia, and only has weeks left. yes you heard me correctly. This is hard stuff. John and his Brothers have been at the hospital all day today, and have all been sobbing. Marla and I have been hanging out all night discussing how we are going to keep everything together. Frankly, I do not know what to do. Jack is completely aware of what is going on, and is very scared. So the boys are upset and scared too. See John's mother died suddelny with a history of depression etc, so her passing was not as hard to atke. But Jack is full of life and is always happy, life just isn't fair. YOu know what i am thinking, How do I tell the kids? they love him.... and I just do not know

Bad Mommy!

Well today, I had a half a day at work and then spent some time with my sister in law Elana and my nephew jake. jake and Alex are the same age. Well when I put Alex in for a nap, I told Elana my little secret. yes-- I will give him a bottle and not a cup. I do not put him to bed often, maybe once a week at most. Alex is a daddy's boy, so whats the harm in spoiling him. I know exactly what she thought.... (Because I have thought this before when relatives and friends say ohh its okay, just this one time.. who needs a schedule etc.) Tomorrow when john puts him to bed, he is going to pitch a bitch and John wont know why. he wont understand why Alex is begging for the bottle, he will think that Alex is just giving him a hard time... I know I should tell him, but I am not and I wont! I will sneak the bottle out of the crib before John sees it. It's bad enough that John is his favorite, so am I a bad mommy for bribing him??

What are we going to do??

Today I spoke with a few of Alex's therapists who said that there is a good chance that Alex may test out of Early intervention. Normally this would be a great thing but of course they ended that sentence with a but. They seem to all be on the same page... Alex does all the things that a 2 year old should be doing BUT he is doing them incorrectly. He has a very strong will and drive to succeed, so he works very hard to do things and has made his little body do them. Here is the problem... He is running... great But the therapists ahve told me that his gait is very wide and he runs like an 18 month old. He loses his balance too easily, he does not have enought arm strength, etc etc. Basically he has many needs but may have to get private services instead. Which would leave us in a big financial bind. But in the mean time. i have booked an appointment with an orthopedist due to his right foot turning inward. The also think his hips are misalligned. So my appointment is not until August, but we will get things checked out then.

What a weekend!

Well we had a great memorial day weekend. It started on friday. I had an individual training session and then got home around 5pm. We decided to take the kids to the spray park at Dorbrook and had a great time. Saturday began with 90 minutes at the gym, followed by gymboree and dance class and then we went to my moms for the afternoon. Dylan and kenzie are becoming quite the water rats! We cant get them out of it!! Alex has decided that he loves the water too. Dylan actually ate a hotdog and liked it and continues to eat the. You may not think this is a big deal, but it is huge! Dylan has not eaten anything besides chicken nuggets and pizza in over 4 years! So lets hope he continues to be adventurous. Momma has told him, once he starts eating lots of foods he can go to Kokomo! Ask Dylan.... What do you want to do at kokomo, and he will tell you... to get away from it all! I find it really amusing that eh says that. he smiles from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed! What does he need to get away from i ask? Sunday morning we decide to hit the beach at 9am! Kids had a blast and Alex loved the water. We actually figured out that we can bring our beach chairs if we park them next to the playground at the beach! After that it was home at 1230 for a much anticipated snooze! I woke up and called Sammi to see if she could babysit, so John and I could have atleast 1 drink outdoors on a beautiful memorial day weekend. So Mom told me that Sam was having friends over, but she would keep them over night. All 3!! YIPEE! So when everyone woke from their naps, I told them the news. The kids were so excited! So we dropped them off around 6pm and then we were off. We went for Pizza in Belmar and then to the Columns for a few beers and a bit of nostalgia! It was an inexpensive night but a fun one. I was in bed by 11 and up at 7. After hitting the gym for 60 minutes of hard cardio, it was off to moms to pick up the kids. I had all intentions of being home by 1pm, but the kids were having so much fun, I stayed until 6pm. It was a great memorial day! Mackenzie is too much, she thinks by batting her cute little eyes she can get anything she wants, she got a bracelet from Jancie, a second ice cream sandwich from my mom, and I know she can get most anything from Uncle Tommy. I wonder where she gets this from?? I do not think I have to look to far :)

Kenzie and Me

Kenzie

Dylan

Feel sorry for me please!

I am one tired, overworked mom. Each day this week, I left my house at 630am and returned after working my full time job and my parttime job, I returned home at 8pm each night. I am friggen exhausted. We just dropped 520 cash on car repairs this week, so we are still poor. Alls i want to do is go out with my husband and have a few drinks. I wish we had a babysitter that can just come to our house and keep an eye on them so we could go out. Yes, of course I can get one but that would cost 10 dollars an hour cash, which in turn it would cost way to much money for a night out. I guess it is just frustrating. I feel like it is not fair at times, I feel like there is no way out. I know what we are doing is best for our children, and everyones life has gotten so much easier, yet mine has become ten times harder. I am also taking graduate classes and doing home instructions. So I really cant wait for June 15th- the last day of school. Then I will become a full time mom of 3 children again. My life will be much easier then, it will still be work, but a fun type of work, Since john will likely have surgery on his right hand, I will be on duty 24/7. So I ask .... When is my break?

Beauty and the Beast

I had such a busy weekend. Saturday Dylan had a tball game at 9am and then i had to take kenzie to dance class, and Alex to gymboree. We then went to moms to pick up aunt sammi. Sam slept over and help make mackenzie into belle. Sam put a ballerina bun in Mackenzie's hair. and she donned the yellow dance dress and she was as happy as can be. There are 8 belles all in her dance class. They looked so damn cute, I could not stand it. So yes, I really am excited about the upcoming recital. I want her to have the prettiest updo and outfit. I just found out that beauty and the beast will no longer be on braodway so i am desparately trying to get tickets. because Ironically, the day my belle came into this world, my mother was suppossed to see the acclaimed broadway musical. She missed her chance to see it, so I am hoping to find tickets for the three of us. If not, atleast, on June 10th we will see our Belle on stage!!

Mothers day

As I am about to enjoy my 7th mothers day as a mom, I think about what was the greatest mothers day gift ever. Sure I loved the massages, and the chocolate covered strawberries, and the handprints from the kids. I received the greatest mothers day gift ever yesterday. My son who is in kindergarten, read me a poem that he wrote. The word he used to describe me was beautiful. I know he did not mean this in a supreficial way. To him beautiful is the highest compliment. To him it means something beyond the normal definition of the word. The rest of his poem showed me that he catches everything and truly knows the real me. He accepts and loves me for it as well. We all know that we accept our kids and love them unconditionally, but it is so nice to know that they do the same. AS I see my young child standing in front of his classmates proudly reading a poem( without help from the teacher) about me, it brought tears to my eyes. The 30 minutes I spent with him, for his Mothers Day Tea, was the best! I am so proud of him, and I want to thank Dylan for that great gift!

More decisions?

Well John went on a job interview today at Middletown. Although he thought it was for the summer program or the alternative night school, it turns out that it was not, because the teachers that were teaching there last year are coming back, but someone with 15 years experience would be perfect for the alternative school at HS South. Problem being this is during regular school hours which would mean Alex would have to go to daycare. So unless my mother would take off from her job for the next year, then daycare would be our only option. Part of me is torn, I know if john got in he could put his ten years in and then get out, and he has 25 years into the pension system. I also know that he could find a job in 3 years and go into the pension system. I know Middletown is a great district to work in, and that maybe this is a one shot deal. i also know that the first 5 years is critical for child development and we will never get this time back for Alex. Alex runs and jumps, knows his shapes and colors and even sings the ABC song and happy birthday because of John( and my smart genes of course, haha). I know I would love the 60,000 dollar salary, and me working a job and a half is hard work, but I Have a love for my son like no other, and these decisions I have to make. Money or Alex, Job security or Alex... It looks as though John will deliver pizza, or I will train as many soccer team as possible, because my child has done more than anyone expected, and I hope my husband continues to have the patience to work with him, lord knows I do not. Because the progress Alex has made is well worth the 60,000.

Well... He can do it on his own!

I am not talking about Alex either. John took Alex too his physical appointment on friday and the doc gave him a script for blood work. Well John went to talk Alex to Labcorp yesterday and saw a line, so grabbed the paperwork and came home. Today Alex had his blood drawn, John got Dylans physical papers from our doctor and got the kids bike tires some air! I am impressed. I did not have to remind, or anything. He just did it. So he has been home for about 7 months so far and I guess finally realizes what it is like to be a mom! He even gets called out of the gym every time Alex decides to take a poop! Dylan has tied his first 2 Tball games, and will continue to tie the rest! He plays the Yankees on Saturday and is very excited, he constantly tells me how momma would not miss that one.. The games are all same. all the players get up every inning and every game is tied 4-4. Dylans teacher informed that not only was he the smartest boy in the class, but the most polite and well mannered. I left conferences a proud mother! Every mother should get that report! mackenzie is doing great and we are researching preschools for her. If she gets into the integrated program( it is a lottery) in our town, she will attend pre school in the afternnon, so we are looking for morning programs to supplement her education. Dylan is already reading simple books, his reading is already on the first grade level. and Kenz is ready to start reading. Her Dance classes have been keeping her quite busy and she loves it. My Blog is officially one year old. I used to write almost everyday, but life has gotten busier and busier! So many changes in one year!!

Major Vent

As I sit here at work, as tired as can be. I just need to vent about how hard it is to work all of the time. I leave every morning at 630am, and Monday and Tuesday, return with Dylan at 345. On wednesday I do not get home until 6pm because I train one team, and on Thursday and friday I do not get home until 8pm. I am literally working my ass off, so Alex and my other kids can have their father home with them. I am starting to become very jealous of my husband, who can mosey out of bed, drink his coffee on the couch while the kids are already dressed for school... and then join Alex and kenzie for their 2 hour snooze, Which on Thursdays and Fridays are cut down to 1 1/2 hours. Then i feel like on the weekend, it is my turn with the kids. On Mondays and Tuesdays it is my turn... By the way after all of the gymborree, Dance, and Baseball games on Saturdays-- when they all go home for lunch and a nap-- guess where I go.... back to Bodman to earn 100.00 for 90 minutes. I know it is great money. I know I should not complain. I know it is the best thing for my children and my family... It just seems like everyone in my family has had a major upgrade in their quality of life... except me. So on major PMS days like today.. I think I am entitled to a vent!

Decisions decisions???

We all struggle with decisions on a daily basis. One may wonder if one or two little decisions really matter? I found out yesterday that they can have a profound impact on the course of ones life. Yesterday we met with the neurologists from Robert wood Johnson. he specializes in neurological developmental delays. He could not believe Alex's progress!! Alex is doing things that nobody ever expected( well no professional, I always expected it- i think if you put your mind to something you can accomplish almost anything!) The only way the visit could have went any better than it did, is for the doc to tell me that they screwed up and Alex was misdiagnosed-- but he did not, and Alex will have this for the rest of his life... But he said he has learned to adapt.. He said this is huge. Little Alex will not settle to simply sit on the sidelines and watch, Alex apparently did not listen when he was told that he had a significant neurological problem that would effect his motor skills forever, he did not listen when told he would be slower and clumsy. Alex has defied the experts and all of the odds. So he is a bit more "fragile" as the doctors put it-- he will likely suffer more disclocations due to underdeveloped protective reflexes. He needs a spot going up the slide( I am sure Uncle Tommy has already figured this one out!!), he may lose his balance more frequently, but that is it! The doctor said the one on one he has been getting with his dad has paid off tremendously, he said that his father has taught him so much and it is obvious that we have been working him as much as possible. Then of course I told him about my new found interest in neuroscience and I am fascinated by the implications of the new findings regarding the brains plasticity! I have been testing the theories on Alex and it works! USE IT OR LOSE IT!! So although I left thourghly happy, I still remember the doc saying, contact sports are probably out for Alex, and I agreed. Then as I have been thinking since, try saying that to Alex when he is 6--- he will make the call, he has been writing his own destiny all along. In 4 years who knows maybe he will gain those elusive protective reflexes, why cant he learn to adapt to that? So when making deicisons remember, nothing is impossible. Placing limits on people.. just limits them. The best decision we have ever made as parents was to take Alex to therapy and stay home and work with him, it has paid off more than any amount of money lost ever could.

Can everyone finally feel better

These past 2 weeks have been very tough for our family, Everyone except for John and Alex were sick at some point. We are not just talking about minor illnesses, we are talking about major kick your ass sickness. I was in bed for almost a week and did not even get to work out for 7 whole days. I have been back to the gym the last 6 days and have only been able to do 1/2 of my usual workout. The flu that I had was terrible. Dylan and kenzie did not escape it either, they both had fevers for about 4-5 days and Dylan needed two rounds of anti biotics for his ear infections. They both missed the entire week of school last week. So we finished the week with Jaks birthday party. Alex had a good time with his cousin and playing with all of his toys. Mackenzie informed me that she would like to sleep over there because they have a nicer house than us. Thanks kenz... I appreciate that! Alex played nice with all of the other 2 and almost 2 year olds there. he fit right in and had fun. Alex dislocated his elbow again today. As we are all ready to go back to the hospital, I decided that I could put it back into place. In essence his elbow has been put in place by me and the nurses doing the xrays the other two times, so I figured lets save the trip to the OR and I will try it. Alex looked at me and said hurt arm in the cutest voice, then I took his armed and put it back together and after once wince he was fine! Mackenzie and Alex were playing follow the leader and she was holding his arm, we told her to let go, but she said they were playing and by the time we were able to separate the 2 of them it was too late. Boy did she get a talking to by her father, as you can imagine she got in big trouble. Alex will be 2 in a week and half, I cant believe it. The kids are set to go back to school on Monday so lets hope for a good week. Hopefully it will only rain today and we can finally have some spring weather!

Alex's went poop on the potty!

Well Alex informed me 20 minutes ago that he had to go potty. So I took off his diaper and put him in the bathroom. He then said door, door, this means he wants me to shut the door and let him alone. Well Alex sat on the throne for about 15 minutes, and said all done. As I looked in the toilet I was amazed. There was a bunch of poop! Alex did his first poop on the potty! I am very proud of him! Lets hope this continues then soon there will be no more diapers in this house!! Lets hear it for Alex!

Sensory Processing Disorder??

Well Alex was again evaluated by the people at early intervention. He has had feeding issues since birth, so we finally had an eval concerning is likes and dislikes. I always thought that his senses were a bit off, so finally an OT confirmed my suspicions all along, besides his other issues he has SPD. Which in the grand scheme of things is not that big of a deal.. so after a brief period of being upset, I am now over it. I actually do not think it has ever bothered him, excpet the fact that you can see each and every rib on his body, because he is so skinny. Alex also dislocated his other elbow yesterday, so we had a fun filled two hours at the ER. He is fine now.. they pop the elbow back in place and wallah! all better. I have been reading a great book- The brain the rewires itself. It is all about the brain and it neuroplastcity. I swear any parent with a child that has a neurological issue should read this. It is actually amazing to me,how many parents do not educate themselves on their children's issues. Do not get me wrong.. i am obsessed. I am thinking about specializing in neuroscience after obtaining my next degree. The brain is absolutly fascinating to me. It is amazing that due to the plasticity especially when young that different parts of the brain, pick up for other injured parts. It has amazing implications for children with speech disorder, Autism and especially CP. Well enough of my rant on that. I am going to AC tonight and cant wait! John and I need this night out alot! I have been running myself ragged for 4 weeks, without a night out and we are staying overnight at AC!! Thats it for now.. wish us luck

Great Day!

So today I went to the gym from 9-10, then went to Costco and wanted to go out for the day. I called my mom and she said she was going to my brothers house, so I kind of invited myself and my 3 kids! The kids had an awesome time. they loved hanging out at Uncle Justins and Aunt Elanas house. It was very cute to watch Alex, mackenzie and Dylan play with their cousin Jake. Alex loved Jakes toys and probably wonders why he does not have a car INSIDE the house! We had fun playing at the play area in the mall. It is amazing how one child will show up and almost ruin it for everyone. There was this one kid. I am guessing he was about Dylan's age that was just mean. You could see it in his eyes- ICE. So once we got a look at him, Elana and I did not want our little ones anywhere near him. We lasted a few more minutes and then I took the kids for ice cream. They had a blast. kenzie and Alex slept the whole way home. Dylan and Alex were in bed by 645! Mackenzie went in at 715. I made some sirloin steaks, and we had some fresh broccoli and red wine-- it was great!! I don't care what Candi says- Sirlion steaks are still my favorite( at 4.99 a lb at costco you cant beat it(dont ask, we got into an entire conversation about the different cuts of meat!). I think Elana learned an important lesson today, enjoy shopping at toy stores while they still cant talk too well! Because once they do, they tell you exactly what they want, and it is enough to put anyone in the poor house! I told Elana to have more kids, because they really do keep each other company, and it really is alot of fun. On another note. We booked a fmaily vacation at Great wolf lodge in the poconos! 3 nights 4 days in June!! The kids cant wait! I never thought we would do it. A family vacation may seem like a luxury, but it can be a necessity. I don't really care that meals are not included, bagels for breakfast, hot dogs for lunch and pizza each night for dinner, doesn't get better than that, does it? Not for a 2, 4 and 6 year old it doesn't! Waterslides here we come!!

6 years old

I can not believe that I have been a mom for just about 6 years. My oldest will turn 6 on Weds and I just can't get over how fast it has all happened. I can remember his birth like it was yesterday. i remember ever detail from how they admitted me the night before, gave me demerol so i could sleep through the night, to breaking my water at 830am the next day. I delieved him at 341pm March 21st, 2001. I delivered him without the help of meds( not by choice), and was completely and utterly overwhelmed by the experience. I remember thinking, How can I ever learn to take care of this little human being( especially since he nursed for 45 minutes, every 90 minutes! yes, my first was 30lbs on his first birthday!! I remember taking him to doctors appointments, and changing his diapers. he did not get his first sponge bath until he was 10 days old. I was nervous, and that was done with my mother. I thought I could never master this whole mother thing, and look at me 3 kids later. As I was signing Dylan up for pop warner football, I realized that he is a boy. Not even a little boy- Alex is a little boy-- My oldest is a school age boy. Dylan and I each bought some books today, and he read the whole book from start to finish with me. It was dr. Seuss, but who cares. it was a new book that he has never seen before and therefore could not memorize it. It is just amazing how fast it goes. I am treasuring every second with the three of them, enjoying each of their phases, because it wont be long before Mackenzie is in kindergarten, and Alex reading, and Dylan goes out on date... Scary HUH??

Calling All Crazies!!!

Well I am excited. I was finally approved to enroll in a Masters of Psychology program. I do not know what motivates me to keep going, but I love learning about mental illness and developmental psychology is my favorite( discusses prenatal and child development!!). So I have 9 credits already towards my second masters degree. Once I finish this, I will be able to sit for a liscensing exam and possibly even counsel people with real problems!! I am very excited about this opportunity, sure it costs a bunch of money( probably 20,000) when all is said and done, but I do receive salary increments every 10 credits of about 1500. So eventually it will not take long for it to pay for itself. Can you imagine me a couselor?? Maybe one day- You will have to call me Dr. Kris! HA!!! So calling all crazies- I can help you, so where will i find clients??? Look no further-- My own family should do, I can practice my skills on them!