Major Vent

As I sit here at work, as tired as can be. I just need to vent about how hard it is to work all of the time. I leave every morning at 630am, and Monday and Tuesday, return with Dylan at 345. On wednesday I do not get home until 6pm because I train one team, and on Thursday and friday I do not get home until 8pm. I am literally working my ass off, so Alex and my other kids can have their father home with them. I am starting to become very jealous of my husband, who can mosey out of bed, drink his coffee on the couch while the kids are already dressed for school... and then join Alex and kenzie for their 2 hour snooze, Which on Thursdays and Fridays are cut down to 1 1/2 hours. Then i feel like on the weekend, it is my turn with the kids. On Mondays and Tuesdays it is my turn... By the way after all of the gymborree, Dance, and Baseball games on Saturdays-- when they all go home for lunch and a nap-- guess where I go.... back to Bodman to earn 100.00 for 90 minutes. I know it is great money. I know I should not complain. I know it is the best thing for my children and my family... It just seems like everyone in my family has had a major upgrade in their quality of life... except me. So on major PMS days like today.. I think I am entitled to a vent!

Decisions decisions???

We all struggle with decisions on a daily basis. One may wonder if one or two little decisions really matter? I found out yesterday that they can have a profound impact on the course of ones life. Yesterday we met with the neurologists from Robert wood Johnson. he specializes in neurological developmental delays. He could not believe Alex's progress!! Alex is doing things that nobody ever expected( well no professional, I always expected it- i think if you put your mind to something you can accomplish almost anything!) The only way the visit could have went any better than it did, is for the doc to tell me that they screwed up and Alex was misdiagnosed-- but he did not, and Alex will have this for the rest of his life... But he said he has learned to adapt.. He said this is huge. Little Alex will not settle to simply sit on the sidelines and watch, Alex apparently did not listen when he was told that he had a significant neurological problem that would effect his motor skills forever, he did not listen when told he would be slower and clumsy. Alex has defied the experts and all of the odds. So he is a bit more "fragile" as the doctors put it-- he will likely suffer more disclocations due to underdeveloped protective reflexes. He needs a spot going up the slide( I am sure Uncle Tommy has already figured this one out!!), he may lose his balance more frequently, but that is it! The doctor said the one on one he has been getting with his dad has paid off tremendously, he said that his father has taught him so much and it is obvious that we have been working him as much as possible. Then of course I told him about my new found interest in neuroscience and I am fascinated by the implications of the new findings regarding the brains plasticity! I have been testing the theories on Alex and it works! USE IT OR LOSE IT!! So although I left thourghly happy, I still remember the doc saying, contact sports are probably out for Alex, and I agreed. Then as I have been thinking since, try saying that to Alex when he is 6--- he will make the call, he has been writing his own destiny all along. In 4 years who knows maybe he will gain those elusive protective reflexes, why cant he learn to adapt to that? So when making deicisons remember, nothing is impossible. Placing limits on people.. just limits them. The best decision we have ever made as parents was to take Alex to therapy and stay home and work with him, it has paid off more than any amount of money lost ever could.

Can everyone finally feel better

These past 2 weeks have been very tough for our family, Everyone except for John and Alex were sick at some point. We are not just talking about minor illnesses, we are talking about major kick your ass sickness. I was in bed for almost a week and did not even get to work out for 7 whole days. I have been back to the gym the last 6 days and have only been able to do 1/2 of my usual workout. The flu that I had was terrible. Dylan and kenzie did not escape it either, they both had fevers for about 4-5 days and Dylan needed two rounds of anti biotics for his ear infections. They both missed the entire week of school last week. So we finished the week with Jaks birthday party. Alex had a good time with his cousin and playing with all of his toys. Mackenzie informed me that she would like to sleep over there because they have a nicer house than us. Thanks kenz... I appreciate that! Alex played nice with all of the other 2 and almost 2 year olds there. he fit right in and had fun. Alex dislocated his elbow again today. As we are all ready to go back to the hospital, I decided that I could put it back into place. In essence his elbow has been put in place by me and the nurses doing the xrays the other two times, so I figured lets save the trip to the OR and I will try it. Alex looked at me and said hurt arm in the cutest voice, then I took his armed and put it back together and after once wince he was fine! Mackenzie and Alex were playing follow the leader and she was holding his arm, we told her to let go, but she said they were playing and by the time we were able to separate the 2 of them it was too late. Boy did she get a talking to by her father, as you can imagine she got in big trouble. Alex will be 2 in a week and half, I cant believe it. The kids are set to go back to school on Monday so lets hope for a good week. Hopefully it will only rain today and we can finally have some spring weather!

Alex's went poop on the potty!

Well Alex informed me 20 minutes ago that he had to go potty. So I took off his diaper and put him in the bathroom. He then said door, door, this means he wants me to shut the door and let him alone. Well Alex sat on the throne for about 15 minutes, and said all done. As I looked in the toilet I was amazed. There was a bunch of poop! Alex did his first poop on the potty! I am very proud of him! Lets hope this continues then soon there will be no more diapers in this house!! Lets hear it for Alex!

Sensory Processing Disorder??

Well Alex was again evaluated by the people at early intervention. He has had feeding issues since birth, so we finally had an eval concerning is likes and dislikes. I always thought that his senses were a bit off, so finally an OT confirmed my suspicions all along, besides his other issues he has SPD. Which in the grand scheme of things is not that big of a deal.. so after a brief period of being upset, I am now over it. I actually do not think it has ever bothered him, excpet the fact that you can see each and every rib on his body, because he is so skinny. Alex also dislocated his other elbow yesterday, so we had a fun filled two hours at the ER. He is fine now.. they pop the elbow back in place and wallah! all better. I have been reading a great book- The brain the rewires itself. It is all about the brain and it neuroplastcity. I swear any parent with a child that has a neurological issue should read this. It is actually amazing to me,how many parents do not educate themselves on their children's issues. Do not get me wrong.. i am obsessed. I am thinking about specializing in neuroscience after obtaining my next degree. The brain is absolutly fascinating to me. It is amazing that due to the plasticity especially when young that different parts of the brain, pick up for other injured parts. It has amazing implications for children with speech disorder, Autism and especially CP. Well enough of my rant on that. I am going to AC tonight and cant wait! John and I need this night out alot! I have been running myself ragged for 4 weeks, without a night out and we are staying overnight at AC!! Thats it for now.. wish us luck

Great Day!

So today I went to the gym from 9-10, then went to Costco and wanted to go out for the day. I called my mom and she said she was going to my brothers house, so I kind of invited myself and my 3 kids! The kids had an awesome time. they loved hanging out at Uncle Justins and Aunt Elanas house. It was very cute to watch Alex, mackenzie and Dylan play with their cousin Jake. Alex loved Jakes toys and probably wonders why he does not have a car INSIDE the house! We had fun playing at the play area in the mall. It is amazing how one child will show up and almost ruin it for everyone. There was this one kid. I am guessing he was about Dylan's age that was just mean. You could see it in his eyes- ICE. So once we got a look at him, Elana and I did not want our little ones anywhere near him. We lasted a few more minutes and then I took the kids for ice cream. They had a blast. kenzie and Alex slept the whole way home. Dylan and Alex were in bed by 645! Mackenzie went in at 715. I made some sirloin steaks, and we had some fresh broccoli and red wine-- it was great!! I don't care what Candi says- Sirlion steaks are still my favorite( at 4.99 a lb at costco you cant beat it(dont ask, we got into an entire conversation about the different cuts of meat!). I think Elana learned an important lesson today, enjoy shopping at toy stores while they still cant talk too well! Because once they do, they tell you exactly what they want, and it is enough to put anyone in the poor house! I told Elana to have more kids, because they really do keep each other company, and it really is alot of fun. On another note. We booked a fmaily vacation at Great wolf lodge in the poconos! 3 nights 4 days in June!! The kids cant wait! I never thought we would do it. A family vacation may seem like a luxury, but it can be a necessity. I don't really care that meals are not included, bagels for breakfast, hot dogs for lunch and pizza each night for dinner, doesn't get better than that, does it? Not for a 2, 4 and 6 year old it doesn't! Waterslides here we come!!

6 years old

I can not believe that I have been a mom for just about 6 years. My oldest will turn 6 on Weds and I just can't get over how fast it has all happened. I can remember his birth like it was yesterday. i remember ever detail from how they admitted me the night before, gave me demerol so i could sleep through the night, to breaking my water at 830am the next day. I delieved him at 341pm March 21st, 2001. I delivered him without the help of meds( not by choice), and was completely and utterly overwhelmed by the experience. I remember thinking, How can I ever learn to take care of this little human being( especially since he nursed for 45 minutes, every 90 minutes! yes, my first was 30lbs on his first birthday!! I remember taking him to doctors appointments, and changing his diapers. he did not get his first sponge bath until he was 10 days old. I was nervous, and that was done with my mother. I thought I could never master this whole mother thing, and look at me 3 kids later. As I was signing Dylan up for pop warner football, I realized that he is a boy. Not even a little boy- Alex is a little boy-- My oldest is a school age boy. Dylan and I each bought some books today, and he read the whole book from start to finish with me. It was dr. Seuss, but who cares. it was a new book that he has never seen before and therefore could not memorize it. It is just amazing how fast it goes. I am treasuring every second with the three of them, enjoying each of their phases, because it wont be long before Mackenzie is in kindergarten, and Alex reading, and Dylan goes out on date... Scary HUH??

Calling All Crazies!!!

Well I am excited. I was finally approved to enroll in a Masters of Psychology program. I do not know what motivates me to keep going, but I love learning about mental illness and developmental psychology is my favorite( discusses prenatal and child development!!). So I have 9 credits already towards my second masters degree. Once I finish this, I will be able to sit for a liscensing exam and possibly even counsel people with real problems!! I am very excited about this opportunity, sure it costs a bunch of money( probably 20,000) when all is said and done, but I do receive salary increments every 10 credits of about 1500. So eventually it will not take long for it to pay for itself. Can you imagine me a couselor?? Maybe one day- You will have to call me Dr. Kris! HA!!! So calling all crazies- I can help you, so where will i find clients??? Look no further-- My own family should do, I can practice my skills on them!

Emergency room- What a week!!!!

Well I knew this week was going to be tough. Besides working I had soccer tarining sessions scheduled for Weds, Thursdays and Fridays. I also have a sinus infection that I have been fighting for a week now. So on Weds, I left my house at 630am and did not return until 845. Yesterday I was suppossed to train from 4-6. Well I get a phone call at 420. It is John- He tells me that he thinks Alex broke his arm. He said he is taking him and Mackenzie( Dylan was at soccer with me) to the emergency room. I asked him... Can you handle it and he said yes. Call me at 6pm when you are done. So with that, I am a nervous wreck and plan on finishing my training, afterall he is a stay at home dad, and if it were me, I would just handle it too. SO with that the phone rings about 15 minutes later, He then tells me mackenzie has puked 2 times so far. Once at home and then in the car on the way to the hospital. He said she has a stomach bug. With that I know I need to get there. SO I left the training early and went straight to Monmouth medical Center. When I arrived They were cleaning up the emergency room area that mackenzie just puked in!! So They take Alex for Xrays, and it turns out he dislocated his elbow, and it had to be popped back in place. By the time we got home, I was a mess. I thought about taking a day off of work, but then quickly came to my senses... It is much easier to be at work right now than to deal with mackenzie and the stomach virus. John is earning his money this week!!

Great weekend

Well after 2 glorious snow days, we had a nice long weekend for presidents day. Yesterday my mom came over after going to the mall and took Dylan and mackenzie with her home for the night. It was great. It was John, Alex and me. We felt so free we did not know what to do with ourselves. We went to foodtown for a couple items and then vistited his dad. Once we got home it was 6pm. Alex took a bath and was in bed by 650! It was like a free night alone. There was no officiating the fights that take place on a nightly basis between Dylan and kenz. One minute they are best friends and then the next-- bitter enemies. there were no monkeys on the bed! It was great. John is doing great at home with the kids. Alex now knows 6 different shapes and knows about 6 colors! He is talking up a storm. His little voice is so damn cute I cant stand it. I cant believe he is almost 22 months. He will be two before i know it. I was at the party gym with the kids today and saw a few little babies( 2-6 months), and was amazed that I had all big ones now. Alex seems giant compared to the little tiny immobile babies! Luckily I got my tubes tied or else, I would probably be pregnant with number 4! Dylan just got his report card and got 14 E's. It was a great report card!! So my mom told him she would give him 10 dollars for such a great report card, and his response was... It should be 14 because I got 14 E';s Told you he was smart! Mackenzie wants to get married. I have performed 2 mock ceremonies already. She keeps marrying Dylan or Alex! It is too cute. They do grow up so fast though. I wish every weekend could be like this one. It was terrific. In 2 weeks I will start praying for another snow storm!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow- or ice!

2 full days off-- no school!! This is what every teacher dreams about in the winter, the phone ringing at 5am and another teacher informing you there is no school!!! There is no better message. There are very few calls that early in the morning that are positive- so Thanks Barbara Allen for this one!!

I want Snow Miser!

I am so tired of the cold weather, I can't stand it. Everyday it is 10 degrees or less, and no snow. I feel that if we have to deal with such frigid temperatures, please bring on a snow storm. I would like one to begin on a Sunday- Thursday night and be enough to give us a day off of school. The anticipation of a snow day, gets us teacers through the month of march( the one without a single day off). Mother Nature--- Please Bring on the Snow. Snow miser where are you??

37 years old? Is this a joke?

Okay... So when did I become 37? It seems very old just to write it down. To put this in perspective when my mom was 37 she had a 19 year old, 17 year old and a 12 year old. WOW!! Can you imagine, I certainly can't. As I look at my 3 young children, I can't imagine how she did that at such a young age! I keep telling myself that 37 is really like 27. I keep telling myself that age is just a number. I am listening to myself loud and clear. I do intend to fight the aging process every step of the way though. So........Off to the gym I go!

I need a babysitter!!!!

Frustrated is the word. With Samantha going on Ski trips every Saturday. There is absolutely no one that can watch the kids so we can have a night alone. My best friend in the world- Dawn has been busy and has kept them overnight on occasion in the past, but lately her kids have been sick and she has been running around like a mad woman so I dare not ask her. Most all of the HS kids are only 17 and have the restricted liscence so they cant be on the road late at night, so basically we are screwed. It sucks that even on a Saturday night, we cant use our gift card and go out to dinner, because we have no sitter. My mom works every Saturday night in the winter and John's mom passed away 2 years ago, so we are really left with no options. It just sucks when your birthday is coming up and you cant go out and celebrate on a Saturday night, thats all. Sorry for the vent, but it is frustrating! On another note-- Alex's MRi showed that he did not have fluid in his brain! Big relief. We also found out that we have no cost share for early intervention. If John was still working our cost share would have been 416 a month. So not it is 0. Alex is progressing nicely. mackenzie started tap and ballet dancing and absolutely loves it. It is all she talks about. We sign up Dylan next week for Tee ball, so spring is coming. I would like one big snow storm, so we get a couple days off from school. Thats about it.

Hello 2007

Well 2007 was ushered in with a bang. I got a stomach virus at about 240am, and basically spent the rest of the night in the toilet. Just a suggestion- buffalo wings taste terrific going down but are hell when one has to vomit all night! So I have spent the entire first full day of 2007 sleeping, and recovering. I have to go back to work tomorrow to boot! 2006 turned out to be a very good year. It started and ended with uncertainties about Alex, but overall it was a good one. A few noteworthy highlights that I can think of right now...
1. Alex walking at 13 months! This was huge.
2. Dylan turning five, and graduating from preschool with a broken wrist.
3. Mackenzie starting pre school
4. Although I recieved my "additions" late December, I consider 2006 my first year as a well endowed woman!
5. I am obsessed again with working out, and can wear a size 4 or 6. I am finally back to my prepregnancy weight
6. John becoming a stay at home dad, had radically changed all of our lives... for the better!

Thats about all I can think of.. But I have 5 very happy, healthy people in my immediate family.. and that really is all one can ask for!

HAPPY 2007!!

MRI???

WEll we had our much anticipated Neurology visit on Thursday. The doctor seems a bit concerned about the size of Alex's head and that he has some veins in his forhead that are prominent. So he said we can not avoid the MRI any longer. It will be pedi day stay at the hospital. He will then discuss the results with me the next day by phone. I have not found out when we are going, but the appointment will be set within the next 6 weeks. I am trying not to worry. But try googling, hypotonia, macrocephaly and prominent or bulging forehead veins, and see what you find! I asked him again about the static encephalopathy diagnosis, and he said- yes that is what he has. I asked about CP and the doc told me that he does not like to use that for Alex's condition, he said Alex would have hypotonic CP, but prefers static encephalopathy as well. I guess the MRI will tell all. My little guy is doing great. he says about 100 words and is suprising me more and more each day. His favorite song is Thunderstruck by ACDC( this is not a joke) He even says Thunder every time he hears the music- and specialists are telling me he has hearing issues-- I DON"T THINK SO! he knows the words to HEY YA and Thunderstruck and can sing it! He tells me to push him in the swing and he kicks the soccer ball on command. My little fighter is defying every odd! That is why I was disappointed when the doc told me he was still quite hypotonic. I thought we fixed it, I thought all of the activity and therapy and gymnastics took care of it. I thought when I was told initially that it was life long that it did not apply to my son. I thought some how I was going to go to the neurologist and he was going to marvel at my son and say-- well Alex has beaten it, you have won!! So yes, despite my happy exterior and positive attitude, I am hurting inside. I am filled with wonder and worry for my little boy. I also know that Alex has two parents that love him more than anything, and will give up anything to assure that he gets all that he needs. I believe in my heart that the MRI will be fine, I also believe that yes, he has this condition, but he also has the heart and spirit of a warrior and will not accept any limits! I love my little trooper more than anything- You should see him dribble the ball- QUITE a sight-- " Athletics and physical activities will always be hard for your son," as told be numerous therapists--- I say -- Someone forgot to tell him that!!

Breakfast with Coach U

well this morning I had the opportunity to have breakfast with one of my favorite coaches of all time. Mind you... I have had alot of them, but this man ranks number 2 sandwiched between Mr. Curci and Bob Turner. All of my other coaches have been soccer coaches and were always very nice to me, but these three men taught me how to be a better person. Mr Curci- well besides being a great friend and surrogate father, is just to special to put into words. Bob Turner coached me on travel team for only about a year, but made a lasting imprint. He cared about his players as human beings not just superior athletes. But the Coach who is right behind Mr. Curci is Coach Uhrich. I always loved running for Coach U, but it was not until I became a High School coach myself, did I begin to realize what he did for me. I did not even start running until winter track junior year. Now we had an already established strong team, and instead of just relegating me to the status of other athletes who ran track to keep in shape for their main sport, he gave me a chance. He allowed me to be a part of the top relay teams and participate in high profile events. yes- I had to earn my spot, but he saw that I had talent and pushed me. There were other second sport athletes that were never pushed. He also put up with the fact that I would have to leave meets early to go to a soccer game or whatever. Do not get me wrong, I would not miss a race, i just would not get to stay for the marathon Saturday at jadwin gym, watching all of the other athletes get their turn. When I decided to run cross country my senior year, he and the team welcomed me with open arms. Even though, I was going to eventually take someones spot. I just knew I ran, I liked being part of a group that won meets, I never knew how they scored them etc. As the season went on, there were 7 of us that would practice for the big meets. . Although I ran to better my time and for the team to win, it always took a back seat to soccer, we ended up winning the State Group III title that year. i remember bringing home my medal and showing my parents but never realizong how big of an accomplishment that was until I became a coach. Coach U has won 8 of these championships! What still is most astonishing to me is how he was able to keep the peace between all of the girls on his team, especially when an outsider like me came in. That is the mark of a great coach. One who is able to get the best out of each and every player and keep them happy at the same times. Seeing him today brought back those great memories. HS Soccer- although a team sport, I played for me, trained for me, and scored for me . While running Cross Country I was one of 7 runners that scored in a race run by individuals, even though I was not the number 1 runner, I still felt like an integral member because of my teammates and Coach. He taught me how to be a team player. Coach U knew that having the top runner was not going to win a state title, but having 5-7 runners who were very good would. He trained us and inspired us, I believe he taught each and everyone of us. Thanks Coach U-- for breakfast and for the life lessons!!

How ironic?

Well yesterday, I experienced a big dose of irony. I am reading Dylan's notes from his folder and there it is... A note from his kindergarten teacher saying that she is pregnant and is due in early June. I immediately thought... How could she?? Couldn't she time it so she had her child over the summer so my son would not have a substitute for his final month of kindergarten? Wasn't she thinking about the educational impact of her leaving, on her students? Then the biggest sense of shame hit me... I have done this 3 times. 3 times I have left my students mid year to leave them with a substitute for months at a time. How could I be upset with her? What kind of person am I? Look at what I did to my students. I guess this is the price we working women have to pay. Ms. Snyder is going to learn the cruel reality of a teacher mom.... My children or my students?

Santa Claus is coming to town

This is my very favorite time of the year. My kids are so excited for christmas, it is just phenomenal. I hope they like all of their gifts. My class is trying to sleep right now, I am not kidding they are really trying to sleep. We are studying states of consciousness and we have discussed that many teens are sleep deprived. We will know if they need sleep if they can fall asleep in here. I have shut off all of the lights and we will conduct an experiment to see how many kids in my period 9/10 are sleep deprived! My guess is that 7 of them will fall asleep, who knows. 1 week until christmas, I cant wait. Alex has another ear infection, he and John were back at the docs today. His tubes are still in so I cant understand how he got another infection... oh well. We have his neurology appointment next week. So I will update you all(mom) on his condition. I have a few gifts left to buy, so I am going to hit the mall on my way home from school today!!

Can a mom be replaced?

Well the past few weeks there has been quite a shift in the Haar household. I found out a lot about my husband and his ability to do many of the typical mom duties. Last week all three of the kids were sick. It started with Alex coughing a lot on saturday, and then John decided to take him to the docs on Monday. He even dropped off the prescription and picked it up and gave Alex his nebulizer 4 times per day! Then Dylan gets sick on Tuesday, so he loads up the car, drops Makcenzie off at school and proceeds to take Dylan to the doctor with Alex in tow. John finds out that dylan too has a double ear infection and needs antibiotics, so again he does the entire pharmacy thing by himself, and medicates the sick kids each day, and still remembers to pick up Kenzie from school each day... I am sure you know where this is going, I got an email from mackenzies teacher saying after her nap her temp was 101. Since it was 15 minutes before dismissal, they did not call home... But yes-- The trifecta, was about to take place, ALL 3 with ear infections and Alex also had bronchitis. John has to take Makcenzie to the docs with the other 2 with him. This is no small feet even for the most experienced mom, yet he passed with flying colors. He even made the judgement call to keep her home from school on Thursday because he thought she was coughing a bit too much and her mucus was still green. He made the call!!! So anyone reading this would say that he has earned his mommy stripes this week. But there are so many other subtle changes that have taken place especially regarding his charge, Alex. For example.. Only John does the nebulizer, he knows how to get Alex to take it. He told me that Alex likes twix bars too, and now has concocted a high calorie protien shake for Alex to drink. When Alex gets upset, he cries daddy, daddy , daddy. I have to admit to beging jealous at first( I am still a little jealous but oh well). He tells me what books Alex likes him to read, and has really taken his new job seriously. Guess what I have learned through all of this... Men, if given the chance, can do the job of a mom. Mom just has to be out of the picture, so they get the chance. Ladies... go away for an entire day( 8 hours) or a weekend, and let your husband take over. Do not leave them any instructions( nobody ever left you instructions right?) They will figure it out, and probably love every second of it like we do!